MAKING ANXIETY YOUR FRIEND
Most stressful events or other people’s reactions are out of our control. Anxiety has a tendency to act as an autopilot to these stressors. Think of your anxiety as an annoying backseat driver on your journey of life. You might as well get to know this annoying passenger because they aren’t going anywhere thanks to evolution.
Thinking of anxiety as an alarm that is annoying but also important can become helpful to understanding what this annoying alarm is telling you. An alarm such as a smoke alarm is designed to protect you and a cooking alarm may go off to help you prepare your food even though there is no danger.
Everyone’s internal alarm, anxiety, differs in sensitivity. The degree of sensitivity and what triggers our unique alarms will vary and is based on our experiences in relationships, especially within our family.
Sometimes your anxiety will yell, “danger!” when you get a confusing text. Unlike your smoke alarm, it may be difficult to remember your anxiety is a sensitivity alarm. For example, if we sense someone is upset, emotions may flood our thinking. When we take a moment to listen and talk back to our anxiety, we can learn to distinguish between thinking vs. feeling. To learn the difference between thinking and feeling, we have to get to know our emotions a little better.
Most stressful events or other people’s reactions are out of our control. Anxiety has a tendency to act as an autopilot to these stressors. Think of your anxiety as an annoying backseat driver on your journey of life. You might as well get to know this annoying passenger because they aren’t going anywhere thanks to evolution.
Thinking of anxiety as an alarm that is annoying but also important can become helpful to understanding what this annoying alarm is telling you. An alarm such as a smoke alarm is designed to protect you and a cooking alarm may go off to help you prepare your food even though there is no danger.
Everyone’s internal alarm, anxiety, differs in sensitivity. The degree of sensitivity and what triggers our unique alarms will vary and is based on our experiences in relationships, especially within our family.
Sometimes your anxiety will yell, “danger!” when you get a confusing text. Unlike your smoke alarm, it may be difficult to remember your anxiety is a sensitivity alarm. For example, if we sense someone is upset, emotions may flood our thinking. When we take a moment to listen and talk back to our anxiety, we can learn to distinguish between thinking vs. feeling. To learn the difference between thinking and feeling, we have to get to know our emotions a little better.
When you want to calm yourself down, ask the back seat driver “what is really happening here?”. Anxiety often encourages an all-or-nothing approach such as “no one will ever hire you”, “this person finds you extremely annoying”. How can you get back in control and direct your own life and use your thinking when your feelings are steering the wheel? Making friends with your anxiety means paying attention to the ridiculous things it is telling you and how you respond to the alert, such as answering non-emergency calls at 11pm or being overly accommodating to people. Try giving your anxiety a name, mine is called Gilbert.
In order to befriend your annoying passenger, focus on yourself to help calm down. This starts with interrupting what you automatically do to manage your anxiety. Calming down can start with a few deep breaths, putting your phone away, closing your eyes, smelling something you love (I like to use essential oils on my palms), making a warm beverage such as tea, going on a walk, or even dancing to a song. Once you feel more calm, you can begin to pay attention to what story your anxiety is telling you.
Writing a letter to yourself from your anxiety can be helpful e.g., “Dear Brooke, this is Gilbert with a list of all the things that will go wrong today…” Read the letter, then calmly write back using your best thinking. This annoying passenger is really a nervous friend who has your best interests at heart, but you don’t always have to listen.
Here are some helpful questions to ask yourself regarding anxiety:
When does my anxiety perceive danger when there is none?
How does responding to imagined danger negatively affect my life?
What kind of thoughtful responses would I like to have in anxious situations?
What wisdom would I like to give myself when I want to mindfully respond instead of automatically react?
How can I sit with the discomfort of not letting my autopilot manage my anxiety?
Here is a helpful breath-work technique to do 3x or more:
Breathe into your belly through your nose for 4 seconds
Hold your inhale for 7 seconds, exhale through your mouth (make an ocean sound) for 8 seconds.
To learn more about your anxiety, book a FREE 15 minute call with me and take the first step towards having a new relationship with your anxiety!
Learn more about Anxiety Therapy in Miami, Florida.
